Authenticity is often presented as an easy option. Just being yourself is the answer. But being authentic is harder than turning on a switch. The biggest barrier is simply that a change will have to be made if you are not being authentically you.
Sometimes it is just easier and less exhausting to stay with the status quo. If the people around you have ideas about you they may not want you to change.
Friends or family can be more comfortable with the you they know, as they can feel left behind, or even jealous if you want to change.
The other side of you doesn’t have to be evil or criminal but different. It may bring a slight element of surprise rather than something that may not quite fit your “respectable” image.
Our language is full of sayings that highlight the dangers of change
Those sayings which we have all heard seem to discourage the idea of change, and emphasise the risks involved. You may not believe them but you will have heard them said by someone somewhere.
He/she/they is too big for their boots – if people are ambitious it feels wrong
Tall poppy syndrome – the person that stands out will be cut down
Don’t put your head above the parapet – when you are seen you become a target to be shot at. Parapets are part of a castle so this saying must have originated a long time ago!
Better the devil you know – don’t take any risks it is safer in your current circumstances even if they are not great.
Unless we have positive role models for change we might accept that these views are the inevitable ways of the world.
Fear of rejection
Fear of outright rejection can seem a far fetched response to change but it is based on really primitive psychology. If you didn’t fit in to the tribe in ancient times you could be rejected and literally left to fend more yourself. So, rather than being safely round the fire together, your chances of death by woolly mammoth were much greater if you were alone.
In my experience many women business owners care deeply about their clients and the work they do and love being of service. But there is some residual fear in being more yourself even if we have wonderful clients. Showing up as a little more unusual, or older, or less qualified can seem threatening. Especially when there is glamour enough to spare on social media.
I am thinking about this today especially because later tonight I am taking part in a competition for comedy improvisation. It is in a theatre in Cheltenham with a live audience. I notice I have not talked about this on social media or in my newsletter. One of the fears is that I will not be very good . And another is that clients might think it is a ridiculous thing to do at my age. However I do know that people who really know me would be interested and supportive. I think I have held back because it is easier and takes less effort to stay quiet.
The fear of the empty stage is a reminder of my possible performance failings and the fear of empty seats is a fear of rejection by a live audience.
Success is not guaranteed
At the start of a new project or idea you have no way to know whether it will succeed. It takes a lot of courage to do something new, and you may prefer to keep it quiet for a time.
There are no guarantees for anyone with a new idea for a business, a book or any activity. For those of us taking part tonight there is added pressure that the format is of a competition between teams. This is completely new for us.
I haven’t performed in a darkened theatre for a long time so it is a fairly new experience. Everything in business or any creative act is effectively a leap in the dark. Nothing is absolutely certain until it is tried tested and put out into the world We can doubt ourselves that we won’t find the words or actions when we need them, quite apart from whether anyone in the audience will laugh.
But of course writing here on a blog post is a soft lead in to going public. Blogs are less attention grabbing than the stage or social media but also have greater longevity. Nobody is likely to reject me. This post is an investment in the future and a safe space to show another side to me.
The Act of Writing helps develop your ideas
Even as I am writing this I feel my commitment to going public getting stronger. Writing in sentences helps us to know more clearly what we think. This is a view shared by many writers and non-writers who discover aspects of themselves that were un-noticed until they began the journal entry, the book or the post.
Flannery O’Connor, an American writer, said it clearly “I write to discover what I know”.
Writing about this here in a blog which is broadly about marketing and authenticity is an easier way for me to talk about it with a wider audience. The next step is to face the audience!
Overthinking is a barrier to authenticity
Improvisation is an extreme example of authenticity. It is about finding a response to others spontaneously as you cannot spend time thinking or overthinking). There are no lines to learn or worry about forgetting. The only rule is that you accept whatever line or behaviour you experience from others. In fact you do more than that because you build on it. There is no time for procrastination you just go with it. Sometimes the answers may be nonsense. Any comedy arises naturally and if you try to be funny that usually fails.
True success means letting go of being perfect
Success in improvisation only happens when we forget to “try” and just relax and go with whatever happens. And in some ways it is much easier to trust that we will be all right than to have something pre-planned in all details.
The wrong crowd won’t help you be true to yourself
Given all the risks about making the change the best way to do something new is to find people who want to do the same as you. It may not be your original “tribe” who are still round the fire. People who care about and are interested what you care about are perfect. They may be your equal or your mentor.
In my case the people I am acting with tonight all share the fear and exhilaration I feel. We understand what it is all about even if others do not! The same goes for swimmers, gymnasts canoeists and anyone aiming for excellence in any field. Olympic athletes in-the-making practising at 6 am make different choices from their schoolfriends who are still in bed.
Writing about this here in a blog which is broadly about marketing and authenticity is an easier way for me to talk about it with a wider audience. The next step is to face the audience!
If you feel the call to do something new which would be authentically you go for it! The internet is an easy first step to discovery. It helps us to get close to people who are in the same place or ahead and they help you to feel normal and accepted. Books, blogs, courses, meetups podcasts etc are full of opportunity. You may find yourself changed into a new and more authentic version of yourself.